Real Heroes 2 (May 2014)

Real Heroes #2

Hitch does the whole Galaxy Quest with comics beautifully, but ups it with a lot of references to the superhero movie industry. It’s a lot of fun to read–though I have no idea how it would read to someone not up on all the industry news. Hitch goes far with it. Too far? I can’t know as I get all the references.

There’s also a bit of Galaxy Quest in the plot reveal. The fake heroes are there to do a public service announcement to reconcile with the bad guys. There’s some good character moments and a couple funny parts and it all plays out well. Then Hitch implies the big villain is actually trying to make the reconciliation work.

Or maybe he doesn’t. Hopefully he does, because it’d make Real Heroes something different. It can continue to amuse with the Galaxy Quest riff. But maybe it’ll be more.

B 

CREDITS

Writer and penciller, Bryan Hitch; inkers, Paul Neary and Andrew Currie; colorist, Laura Martin; letterer, Chris Eliopoulos; editor, Drew Gill; publisher, Image Comics.

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Real Heroes 1 (March 2014)

Real Heroes #1

The first issue of Real Heroes doesn’t offer much in the way of surprises. It’s Bryan Hitch doing realistic superhero disaster scenes and he’s good at those. He does a lot of photo-referencing, of course, but it fits since he’s doing Hollywood stars.

The premise is pretty simple. What if the cast of The Avengers had to go play superhero in an alternate reality. How Hitch wasn’t able to sell “Galaxy Quest with superheroes” to a major studio is beyond me. Or maybe he’s trying to establish the brand first.

Hitch doesn’t shy away from plot or character contrivances either. His cast includes the son of a 9/11 firefighter who’s obviously going to be concerned about doing the right thing and then a paraplegic actor who’ll probably get to walk again in the alternate universe.

It’s a little too real with the 9/11 stuff, but Hitch’s earnest and definitely engaged.

B 

CREDITS

Writer and penciller, Bryan Hitch; inker, Paul Neary; colorist, Laura Martin; letterer, Chris Eliopoulos; editor, Drew Gill; publisher, Image Comics.

The Ultimates 2 13 (February 2007)

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More of the Hitch battle scenes. Page after page of it. But here’s all Millar wrote… Thor fights Loki, Asgardian warriors appear, Thor wins. Probably twenty pages (the issue’s double-sized) for that lame sequence.

Millar leaves a lot up in the air, like Hank Pym’s fate, and he makes Ultimate Tony smart again. The best jokes some from the guest-starring Fantastic Four, not even the regular cast. I’m trying to think of what else actually makes an impression in the comic.

Not much.

It ends with a flashback to show how cool Ultimate Steve Rogers was in the forties before he became a fascist thug. I guess it’s interesting Millar changes Ultimate Cap’s world perspective at the end of the issue and does no work in the preceding twelve issues to set him up for a change.

It’s bad writing, sure, but Ultimates 2 is pointless tripe anyway….

The Ultimates 2 12 (August 2006)

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When Hitch’s art suffers this issue, I suppose it’s more understandable. He’s drawing every established Ultimate character and probably some other ones. It’s the fight to save America! From the Russians and Muslims! The whole thing plays like a rightwing wet dream.

I love when Ultimate Cap taunts the Muslim supervillain like a Bond bad guy.

The issue’s split into three fight scenes–Ultimate Cap and Muslim guy, Hulk and Abomination, Quicksilver and bad fast person. The most emphasis goes to Ultimate Cap, but the Quicksilver scene is at least witty. Millar tries it with Hulk and flops.

Then there are some Iron Man inserts, but Hitch’s robotics are so confusing, I could never even see what Ultimate Tony’s piloting. Maybe a space station.

The real question is Hank Pym. Is he really a traitor or was he always a secret agent?

It’s the only interesting thing about the comic.

The Ultimates 2 11 (July 2006)

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Apparently, terrible last pages are Hitch’s new thing for Ultimates 2. His Hulk looks like he modeled it off Mr. Potato Head.

Otherwise–and Hitch totally flubs the pacing of the Hulk reveal, just terrible work adapting the cinematic moment in Millar’s script–it’s a fine, exciting issue. Sure, there’s no Thor, but Hawkeye’s kicking butt and Ultimate Steve Rogers is fighting bad guys instead of whining about not being able to oppress brown people.

Millar includes a George W. Bush cameo, which is a little odd, since it’s a pointless scene.

I’m trying to remember what else happens… I don’t think much. The biggest joke of the series might turn out to be how Millar basically only humanized Hank Pym and he’s apparently a genocidal traitor. Oh, wait, no, he’s not. He just wants his wife and all the superheroes executed.

That Millar sure does write craftily.

Eye roll.

The Ultimates 2 10 (March 2006)

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Hitch’s last panel in this issue, of a fat-faced Ultimate Steve Rogers with a completely different haircut than the rest of the series really shows he doesn’t have to do anything up to par, just as long as he eventually turns in the pages.

Ew.

It leaves an otherwise cool issue on a low point. Millar’s enjoying himself at least, with Hawkeye kicking ass and Ultimate Tony finally acting smart. Sure, it’s all action movie tricks in a comic, but it works. The finish–with Ultimate Cap–should be great. Hitch ruins it.

The rest of the issue is exposition about how all the bad guys secretly got together. That little Arab kid Ultimate Steve Rogers mouthed off at a few issues ago? He’s the new Captain Arab or whatever they call him. It’s an exceptionally stupid detail… Millar can’t earnestly be that cheap, can he?

Still, not bad.

The Ultimates 2 9 (January 2006)

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Interesting. You have a comic about a bunch of superheroes and none of them do much super. Instead, it’s a bunch of destruction scenes featuring Hitch’s really boring giant robots.

I assume it makes sense to Millar, but probably only as a way to drag out the series some more. I thought the other all-action issues were hard to talk about, but nothing happens here. The State of Liberty gets torn down–in case you weren’t paying attention to the scene, it’s when Millar’s being really subversive. He’s so rebel.

What else… Oh, are Nick Fury and Betty what’s-her-name having an affair? It’d be kind of cute if they were I suppose, might give Fury some character. And the death of Ultimate Jarvis would be sadder if Millar hadn’t made him a misogynist sociopath.

Millar doesn’t even pretend to care about doing a good job with it.

The Ultimates 2 8 (November 2005)

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The biggest surprise this issue–Millar and Hitch ruin the surprise of Ultimate Steve Rogers being the traitor (it’s not Loki messing with reality! It can’t be!) with the cover–is the “next issue” tag. Tony’s marrying Black Widow? So soon? I thought they were just dating. Millar must have skipped their romance to infer more incest between Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch.

Though, to be fair to Millar, that inference needing doing, since the regular Marvel comics have been doing it for thirty years or whatever without any self-awareness.

What’s most amusing is how Ultimate Steve Rogers is at his most likable when he’s hanging out with Bucky. Millar had an actual story and he skipped it to turn Ultimate Steve into a complete dick. Why? Because it’s more sensational and less emotionally honest, which sums up his Ultimates pretty well overall.

Still, while it’s weak, it’s not terrible.

The Ultimates 2 7 (September 2005)

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Oh, come on, Millar doesn’t even try to produce a fulfilling read. There’s some big action stuff with the Ultimates invading Iraq (or unnamed Middle Eastern country where Ultimate Steve Rogers mouths off at the little brown people he’s stuck helping–a nice move from Millar), there’s a conversation between Thor and Tony, Jan and Hank having coffee and Hawkeye’s family getting killed.

Nothing else. Four scenes.

The most frustrating thing about the comic is how those four scenes are, on their own, quite good. The writing is good if not great, Hitch’s art is appropriate. They just don’t add up to a comic.

Millar’s too fixated on talking down to the reader–Tony’s a dumb drunk, Ultimate Steve is a fascist, Nick Fury’s the terrorist-in-chief–he doesn’t let the comic be any fun. Those three things I mentioned are funny. He should embrace it, not soapbox it.

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